over this whole grad school thing. I'm not sure that I'll be doing it, come this time next year. The way this semester is going, I'm surprised sometimes that I have time to breathe -- but then, I never was one for that silly 'senior slide' notion. Anyway, I'm still considering doing grad school next year, and if not then, perhaps in a year or two after graduation, so that I will have had a feel for teaching high school mathe. I've already taught a few lessons in practicum -- I'm loving it thus far -- but that's one unique thing at one school, and it might be different when I student teach all spring or when I *gulp* find a job to teach after graduation. Who knows? perhaps I'll get sick of high school level mathe. and miss research so much that I decide I need to go back.
I'm still trying to figure out if grad school is something that I want to do, or something that [seemingly] everyone else wants and expects me to do. I know I'm not a selfless, altruistic martyr, but truly and honestly, I am so used to doing what is expected of me that I'm having a very hard time figuring this out. I also know that, pretty much for the first time with a major decision, either way I go, someone or another is going to be disappointed in me over it, which bothers me. Oh, and thanks in advance, I know I 'shouldn't care what other people think,' and I should 'just do what [I] want to do, and forget the rest of them,' but as I've just explained, I don't know what [I want to do] is, and, beneath the ever-sarcastic thick surface, I'm apparently secretly much too nice of a person [to forget the rest of them]. Sorry, that's just the standard line everyone throws at me over this. I do appreciate feedback, but that's just one line I'm tiring of.
Hopefully I'll figure this whole thing out soon, and then we can go back to blog entries about .. hmm. fiction? drawings? poems? random facts about me? I don't know; I'll try to think of something for the next time I take the liberty of time between homeworks.
3 comments:
My thoughts, such as they are, take the year off and do the teaching thing. That way you'll have gained the experience you want and have given yourself a better idea of where your priorities lie future wise.
No point plunging headlong into more study that you are unsure of because you will, despite your academic mind, begin to get bored and not care so much about what you're doing.
Hell, give the whole thing a rest and travel for a month or six, write poetry and fiction and draw to your hearts content for a while. That way you can get up everyone's nose :p
Whoever you fear disappointing, you may well be underestimating them and their ability to understand, accept and be proud of your choices. You're an intelligent, competent and lovely young woman. Everyone knows this except you.
My thoughts... not that they are worth anything...
Let God guide you. Ask for then watch and listen for the signs. They will be there. Trust me. If you get off the right track He has a way of smacking you around a little bit with some toughlove to put you back there, IF you're willing to ask for the help.
The problem with me is that I always ask, then get the rather obvious message and disregard it as if I'm not quite sure that's the right thing to do. I seem to always get these moments where, after a few opportunities in one direction and a few really painful frustrations in another I want to scream out, "Alright, I get it!," but then I occasionally revert back to my indecision. Don't let it happen to you. As a mathematician you are going to be more likely than others to look for the logic.
I don't know you well enough to give you the "try real life for a year" or "you'll never go back if you don't go now" dichotomy.
We were meant to be happy. Sometimes being happy means just being.
Ditto what my other half said.
Travel, live life, get your arse over here for a bit, and stop thinking about everyone else.
Yes, you're a nice person, but sometimes you really need to be selfish. Stop thinking about it and just do something for you.
Hedonism and debauchery are wonderful things, and life's way too short to take seriously ;o)
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