never could get the hang of wednesdays...

an e-mail i received an hour ago:

"Ame,

"This might blind-side you a bit, but it's something that's been on my mind for a while and is being forced to the front more and more urgently. Pardon the e-mail, but I wanted to try to choose my words wisely... I rather doubt it worked, but it was worth a shot.

"The last time we talked, you were inquiring about coming down to visit me sometime, and I said I was just too busy for that. That's true, but things are more complicated than that. I'm sure you've noticed, but lately I've been distancing myself from you. What you wouldn't know is that I've been distancing myself from all of my female friends. Most of them, I think, have sort of expected it and understand, many of them are friendships that have been dying for some time. But some of them just don't seem to get the significance of the fact that I'm getting married in less than a month. I've had a couple conversations trying to explain things, and they have not gone well, but that doesn't matter. The fact remains that I'm getting married.

"[Fiancee] is the love of my life. She's the one I go to for everything and anything. She is the very last person that I would want to hurt in any kind of way. She's my one and only. I have no business running around with another girl, whether it's hanging out for a weekend or just an afternoon. Not because she's jealous, not because she doesn't trust me, and not because she doesn't trust you. Simply because I cherish and respect her too much to ever give her even the shadow of a doubt about my faithfulness. I've had a number of female friends through high school and college, and I have no regrets about that. They've all helped to make me who I am today. But I really can't be keeping other females as my close friends anymore. Married life is challenging enough. I can't let something so simple and so foolish come between [Fiancee] and I as the fact that my friends are potentially a threat to her. I'm not saying that she wouldn't understand that we're just friends. I'm saying that I'm not even going to ask her to understand. She shouldn't have to. I know how I'd feel if she were running around with a bunch of guys all the time even though I love her with all my heart and trust her completely, and I refuse to put her through that. Spending a day with a girl other than [Fiancee] is uncomfortable for me and completely inappropriate for my situation, and I can only imagine how uncomfortable it would be for her.

"As I mentioned above, you are not the only one with whom I've run into this. I don't mean to be unkind, but I have to make sure you understand. It's just plain not right for a (almost) married man to be spending his time with other girls. I'm not going to pretend you don't exist and I'm not going to refuse to socialize when the opportunity presents itself, but I'm not going to try to keep a deep and important relationship going. I can't be on the phone with girls all the time , and I can't be opening my e-mail to a whole list of messages from other girls. That's just the way it is. My place is with the guys. That's a change that started a bit before I met [Fiancee] for various reasons, and as my relationship with [Fiancee] grew, my friendships with other girls waned even more. They had to in order for me to continue to draw closer to [Fiancee], and now that our hearts are joining as one, there just isn't room for relationships with other girls both for my sake and for [Fiancee]'s.

"I know this is probably coming out of nowhere, and I know this is probably the last thing you wanted to hear. For that, I am sorry. I don't want to burn any bridges or cause unnecessary hurt, but I need to be clear: I'm getting married. My heart, my time, my talents, and my self, are now hers as much as mine, and that needs to be evident beyond any doubt to everyone, and most importantly, to [Fiancee].

"Thank you for understanding.
God bless you richly,
the Ideal"