26 May, 2006

with apologies to aunt sadie...[updated]

A recent msn conversation:

amelie: i've never touched a gun
the ideal: oh that's unfortunate
amelie: maybe someday i'll learn how to handle one
the ideal: i haven't succeeded in getting a deer for 5 years, but someone usually makes up for it so i can have my fill of animal flesh :)
amelie: don't know that i've ever tasted of it
the ideal: deer, or meat in general?
amelie: deer
the ideal: good, i was afraid i had met another vegetarian there for a minute
[almost simultaneously with the previous line] amelie: vegetarian is soo not worth it
[then, in response to his, because i could hear him saying it] amelie: lol
the ideal: so true
the ideal: except, what do you gain by being a vegetarian?
amelie: less protein?
amelie: more angst?
the ideal: lol
amelie: c'mon, you know i'm right :)
the ideal: certainly less angus

14 May, 2006

speaking of calendars..

To the woman:
who responded to my scarce comments with utmost kindness last spring,
who took an interest in my life,
who encouraged me to begin blogging -- and even help me set up my blog and profile, who gave me family,
who taught me to appreciate myself more [we're still working on that one],
who inspired me with her own written words to write myself,
who started projects that brought us all together,
who juggled work and family time with her wonderful husband and two lovely daughters,
who encourages me to aspire to great things,
who believed and believes I'll get there,
who shines more brightly than any other writer I know,
who has touched each of us -- it has been said, and I agree, that she is the one who has, more than any other, united the blogosphere neighbourhood we have into a family,
who has done more for me than I can put into words [if I but had the eloquence to say them],

thank you, and happy mother's day, Christina.

05 May, 2006

because Audrey asked ...

for Audrey, since she wanted to know:
a meme.
I AM: often thought to be lonely, when i'm just alone, and thought to be just alone, when i'm lonely; young, and old, at the same time, rather patient understanding and rational [i think].

I WANT: to be able to make it in whatever i end up trying to become, to keep my faith, to find happiness with a wonderful man and be blessed with children.
I WISH: to be recognized for being me, not academia. i recognize that that's a large part of me, but i keep telling myself there is more to me than that. that i could have met J.R.R. Tolkien; that those i love weren't so spread out; also, for happiness, good health, and the like for all whom i know and love.
I HATE: hypocrites, most fruits, being forgotten / left behind, credit card offers.
I MISS: my closest of close friends, Wisconsin, the lake, my dad, and my brother.
I FEAR: failure, losing those i love dearly, falling from faith
I HEAR: doors opening, stairs being climbed past me, random mumblings of a dorm, typing, Issy van Randwyck singing "I'll Build a Stairway to Paradise" from the Glory of Gershwin CD.
I WONDER: what path i'll end up following, if i'll find someone / be found, how i'm going to do on finals this next week, which friends will keep in touch with me as our lives keep taking us farther away from each other, how to do Problem #4 on the Putnam, where home is now
I REGRET: spending so much time second guessing myself and my friends -- convincing myself i didn't have almost any friends -- such that i missed out on a lot of good for years; and still having such a lack of self-confidence -- "how do you fix that?" would probably go into the wondering category.
I AM NOT: desperate, suicidal, and, currently, unhappy; as intelligent as everyone gives me credit for being.
I DANCE: very little, awkwardly, not as well as Princess, the guy's part in a waltz.
I SING: a lot of the time, in harmony [sometimes unwritten or before the singers of whatever is on], NOT at the dinner table [dad's rules sunk in], NOT when some completely different music is on [also a dad rule that stuck]
I CRY: at funerals, sometimes when i remember my paternal grandfather, sometimes when i think of how i never had the chance to really know my maternal grandfather, sometimes when i remember watching my maternal grandmother die; none of these are often.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: as kind as i should be, as happy as i appear [sorry, Audrey; they were the perfect answers for me]
I MAKE: promises [and keep them], good fudge and good cookies, a lot more mistakes than most people are willing to believe, music with my fingers, people freeze in their tracks / be quiet with a single quelling look, secrets stay secret.
I WRITE: all the stories in my head -- even though they don't all come to paper that well, letters to my g-ma each week, [sometimes i write] random quotations [both my own and others] to inspire those around me to thought or action, in several different handwritings, often without capitalization.
I CONFUSE: people who hate math, most people with whom i talk [they often admit they weren't really listening, too..]
I NEED: God, love, music, learning, the friends i have, the good times i have with them.
I HAVE: you. thank you.
I LOVE: God, rain, storms, fog, mist, accents, my family, my friends, chocolate, playing piano, hearing my father play piano, traveling, visiting those i love, the beauty of places like Pennsylvania Ireland New Zealand etc. [even if i've never been], a lot more things that don't need to be posted -- to know me is to know these.
I SHOULD: work out more, worry less, stop overanalyzing / overthinking everything, have more fun.
I TAG: my blogmother, my crazy blogaunt, my bloggodfaddah, my fa, my dashing brother, and Paige. if any of you would like to, have at it. if not, i won't be offended.